Life is different now. There has never been a time in our marriage, ever, when one or the other of us has not had a job. This is a new adventure for us, and I am watching myself to see how I handle it.
In a sense, I have a job, since I am working on Adam and Lauren’s house. All the same, there is no boss to report to, no personnel to manage, and none of the mental tautness that seemed often to accompany each day – the sense of trying to outrun the avalanche.
Marsha and I talk to each other about what would seem to be next. There must be a next, since we cannot afford to live indefinitely without income. Marsha is pretty sure she is through with executive management. I can’t say I blame her. She applied to be a barista at Starbucks.
Both of us have worked since we were young teens, at one job or another. Both of us rose eventually to jobs that were executive-type roles. We are grateful for the opportunities that came our way, and the things we were able to be involved in, but overall we are not enamored of what we have seen.
There seems to be something wrong. I have been continually flummoxed by the behavior of many of the people I’ve seen in executive positions, and Marsha shares my bewilderment.
As I think about it, I realize that I have a couple of expectations regarding executive managers that are probably completely unrealistic. One is that they behave as mature adults. The other is that they approach their work with a stewardship mentality, recognizing that the owners of the company (shareholders, perhaps) and the employees have a right to prudence &professionalism from an executive manager.
We keep seeing people put themselves on pedestals, with an apparent desire for power, prestige, position and pay that transcends what seems to us should be a more dignified humility that comes with the recognition of responsibility for people’s livelihoods.
I got to thinking about this attitude, and its origins. There is no question that the concept of stewardship is bound up with our Catholic heritage. The notion that our responsibility for what we do goes beyond ourselves to all of human society is not uniquely Catholic or even Christian, but it certainly is a mainstay of Catholic teaching.
The desire for power over other people, it seems to me, is a sign of existential emptiness. As we were crafting our marriage seminar, we came to the startling conclusion that there are really only two ways to go: you can have a power and control relationship or you can have a love and affection one. I’ve met people with functional marriages that have a strong power and control component, but I’ve never seen a happy one. As a supervisor, I tried to treat power as a last resort. To me it almost always meant that I’d failed to win over a heart or mind, and while I was willing to use power, I never liked it. There are people who really like having power over others. My belief is that those people should not operate in what should be leadership roles, as they are very inclined to substitute power for real leadership.
Prestige to me seems like a second-hand way of validating one’s worth. Here again it appears to me that someone who needs prestige is dealing with an existential emptiness. Prestige is fickle, like people, and is an illusory way to establish one’s sense of worth.
It seems odd in a way that my happiness quotient is as high or higher as I paint a cabinet for my son’s house to hide circuit breakers than it was managing a flight school or running a company. I liked those high-pressure jobs, and they certainly paid more money, but a simple task in service to another brings a quieter, more peaceful joy.
I wonder what will be next. Our pastor has our marriage seminar outline for his perusal. I look forward to seeing his comments.
Overall, I feel pretty content and happy. That could change anytime, but I am grateful for it right now.
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